Clueless
by shensei
Summary: Pinpointing when the rumors started was, believe it or not, relatively easy. It was convincing everyone otherwise that was the difficult part. [Style]
1. Chapter 01: The Rumor

**Welcome to **'Clueless'**. It took me forever and a day to come up with a name for this fanfic! I sorta just took the idea and ran with it without thinking about a title or a summary, or anything really, aha. But yeah! This fanfic will include the pairings** _style, stendy, cryle, bebe/stan, kendy_ **and a few others that might appear along the way! **

**Summary – **Pinpointing when the rumors started was, believe it or not, relatively easy. It was convincing everyone otherwise that was the difficult part.

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Chapter 01: The Rumor

_I guess rumors are more exciting than the truth_ –Venus Williams

Pinpointing when the rumors started was, believe it or not, relatively easy.

It was convincing everyone otherwise that was the difficult part.

Freshman year – who _didn't_ see that one coming? After all, freshman year at high school was usually when all hell broke loose for most people. Nevertheless, freshman year was where this particular bothersome acquisition of false spreading commodities began. Or, in more simple terms, freshman year was when all the ridiculous, inconclusive rumors began to circulate.

Wendy Testaburger and Stan Marsh decided now would be a great time to give the whole dating scene another shot. I mean, why not? High school was a new chapter in both of their lives. It only made sense that since they were turning a new leaf that they should give each other a second chance. Third chance. Twentieth chance. No one really _knew_ just how many times Wendy had given Stan a 'second chance', but by the way she made it sound, this was his final second chance. Again.

Because this time it was going to be serious.

And you know what? Everything was fine. Things panned out smoothly, and their relationship seemed to be heading in a clear, positive direction.

This lasted for about two weeks.

Fast-forward two weeks later. Stan had completely forgotten about taking Wendy out for their two week anniversary. Better yet, he completely _forgot_ that this particular Friday was the two week mark in his and Wendy's new relationship. Instead he decided to blow off the last lesson at school to go over to Kyle's house early and get in a good few hours of gaming with his best friend – an innocent enough motive. Friends before girlfriends, right?

Wrong.

At least, wrong in Wendy's eyes anyway.

So you can only imagine the surprise when Wendy turned up on Kyle's doorstep with an angry Bebe and Lola in toe.

Through the open doorway, Wendy yelled profusely at Stan while every now and then, Bebe and Lola would take the occasional turn of ending Wendy's sentence with a '_yeah_' or a '_that's right_', and sometimes even a creative '_yeah that's right!_' as a form of emotional support for their best friend. Stan, in attempt to diffuse the situation, nervously asked to _not_ have this argument on Kyle's doorstep, because it was unfair on Kyle. This proved to be the complete wrong thing to say, and Wendy's face filled up with red hot anger before she began spluttering profanities at Stan.

The conversation ended with something along the lines of '_if all you care about is Kyle, then maybe you should date him instead_', and then she left, leaving both Stan and Kyle dumbfounded and baffled by the obscene occurrence that had just taken place. Then, of course, the realization dawned on Stan that Wendy had just broken up with him _again_, and Kyle spent the best part of that weekend trying to cheer his best friend up.

They didn't get back together.

Freshman year came and went, and before everyone knew it, it was sophomore year. They'd made it out of the first year of high school alive.

Kyle had started to date Red Tucker, Craig Tucker's cousin. They both shied away from making a public announcement – and by that, they were on about Facebook – until they had been dating for at _least_ a month. This was to ensure Craig didn't positively freak out, and so when the dating rumors started – they would be prepared. The initial hype, once their relationship was made public, came and went. Like a firework to begin with, it was explosive and the talk of the school, then no more than a week later, the excitement fizzled out.

Remember when we talked about rumors circulating? Yeah, here is where it becomes an issue.

Debate class, Stan and Red were opposing one another as a part of an in-class debate. Something students were encouraged to get involved with. Red was arguing that pop music and culture had some positive influences on society, whereas Stan adamantly argued against her.

Who did they turn to in order to get a deciding opinion?

Kyle.

Kyle automatically sided with Stan, which in hindsight, maybe that decision was overly biased. This left Red humiliated that her own boyfriend wouldn't even begin to back up her debate, and she quietened down until the end of class. Once class was over, she sullenly approached Kyle and said '_I didn't want to believe what the others were saying, but I guess the rumors are true_' and slapped him firmly across the cheek. Kyle turned up to his next class with a sore cheek and without a girlfriend, completely clueless to what he did _wrong_.

Junior year was when the rumors began tipping over the edge. If Kyle greeted Stan with a hug that lasted longer than a split second, by the end of the day everyone in the school had heard about it, with some variation.

Everyone _but_ Stan and Kyle.

The two were none the wiser about what was being said behind their backs, and continued with their close, intimate friendship without a second thought. Every so often, they would pick up on the snide whispers some people would make when they saw the two _alone_ together, but neither of them saw any reason to worry, or get suspicious. After all, they had nothing to get worried about.

Then the rumors began to become twisted and false. Remember when Kyle and Stan hugged each other this morning? Yeah, rumors had mutated since then, so by the time they circulated the entire school – it wasn't just a hug anymore. It was a tight embrace where they gazed longingly at one another before pulling apart. Some people would even swear they saw them kiss when no one was watching. Which, of course, no one _could_ have been watching, because none of those things ever happened.

It was Bebe who cracked first and told Kyle. Nearing exam period, Kyle had begun tutoring Bebe in a couple of subjects she was struggling with for a few hours after school. Bebe, admittedly, enjoyed these afterschool tutoring sessions because she would occasionally get a sneak peak at Stan and Kyle's instant messaging conversations. However, when her search proved fruitless, she confronted Kyle directly and asked if the rumors about him and Stan were true. Shocked, Kyle had asked what sort of rumors, and Bebe simply asked if they were dating. She tuned out of Kyle's angry, senseless rant and wallowed in her disappointment instead once she found out they weren't true.

The sheer thought of he and Stan being in an…intimate relationship was enough to make the hairs on the back of Kyle's arms stand up. Who in their right mind would _think_ that they were in any way romantically compatible? It was absurd. In Kyle's eyes, anyway.

Now, the present day. It was currently senior year, and the rumors were thriving more than ever. Stan and Kyle had to awkwardly be careful to not do anything too conspicuous that might provoke more rumors to circulate. But how, exactly, were they supposed to measure what was appropriate and what wasn't? The whole set up was bizarre. There had even been a few occasions this year where people Stan and Kyle didn't even _know_ would come up to them and congratulate them on being so brave and setting the example for future gay or lesbian couples at Denver High School – and every time Stan and Kyle would have to tell these people the same thing: they weren't dating.

But by this point? No one believed them. No matter how much they tried to convince people otherwise.

"What if we just say we broke up with each other?" Stan asked, although he was unsure of his idea, but there was a hint of smugness in his voice. Secretly, he was quite proud of this idea.

Kyle immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes. "And deal with _break-up_ rumors? Yeah, no, thanks for the offer Stan, but I'll pass."

It was the usual set up they had. They were sat around the side of the large school building. Stan and Kyle were sat next to one another on one of the steps, while Kenny sat on the gravel at the foot at the steps. Cartman was, unsurprisingly, absent from school, otherwise he would've made a futile attempt to wedge himself in-between Stan and Kyle. His usual reasoning was because he didn't want them to look like a pair of fags, because then people would start calling _him_ a fag.

"Do you have any _better_ ideas, dude? Because I haven't heard you suggest anything." Offense was evident in Stan's voice as he spoke. Kyle didn't even need to look at Stan to know that his face read hurt and affronted. His best friend never dealt well with confrontation, at any point in his life, and when he _was _confronted he'd immediately become defensive and anxious. This sort of attitude was almost annoying enough for Kyle to take back what he said. Almost.

"Grit our teeth and see the rest of our senior year through _without_ letting stupid, false rumors get o us." Kyle sighed while shaking his head. Afterwards, he pressed the side of his body up against Stan's and used him as a resting post for the weight of his body. Once he was comfortable, he slumped his head into the crook of Stan's shoulder and nuzzled the top of his curly locks against Stan's snow-covered scarf. Kyle shuddered at the gush of cold against his hair, and Stan tugged him closer for warmth. "Besides, why should we stoop down to that sort of level?"

"Yea, an' if yer gay-wads keep on there actin' like how's yer are, yer jus' gonna go prompt them there more rumors." Kenny pointedly said, gesturing at his two best friends with gloved hands. Although Kyle couldn't really see the grin behind Kenny burying his face into his hooded jacket, the twinkle in Kenny's eye was enough to confirm Kenny was grinning.

Kyle shot Kenny a glare. "I'm exhausted, okay? It's been a long day. So…what? I can't rest my head on Stan's shoulder without someone spreading a rumour about how I jacked him off while I was at it?"

If Stan had been drinking the 7up he finished not too long ago, the contents would've been anywhere but in his mouth. "D-dude! Kyle, chill out."

However Kenny found this situation to be highly amusing and entertaining, and promptly snorted at Kyle's lame response. He kicked the side of Kyle's laced up brown winter boots with his own worn out sneakers. " Yer never know Kyle. Someone might'n there say that yer gone and fixin' t'give Stan a quick blowie here."

"I—_okay_. Let's just stop and think about this for a moment…" Kyle started. He lifted his head up from Stan's shoulders and adjusted himself accordingly. He shifted his shoulders, and straightened his back into a better position.

Stan quickly interjected Kyle's sentence, glancing nervously at his best friend. "I, don't want to think about you giving me a blowjob dude."

Frustrated at both the situation they were in, and at Stan, Kyle let out an elongated groan. "That's not what I meant Stan. If you let me _finish_, what I was going to say was – even if we were dating, okay? Where would I find the time to give you a blowjob during school?"

"I'unno Kyle…" Kenny drawled out the sentence in a particularly annoying sing-song voice while clicking his tongue. "Yer not hear them rumors? I hear tell that one of 'em was with Stan all torn-up durin' school an' yer both went to th'nurses officer an—"

"_Enough_." Kyle held up his hand, his jaw tensed. "Stop, please. Don't want to know."

"Aw, but Kyle, yer oughta just hear me out." Kenny pouted, but the playful glimmer in his eyes still remained. Kyle could tell his blonde friend was attempting to hold back a smirk, but the corner of Kenny's lips were twitching subtly, giving the illusion away.

"I'm not going to waste my free period listening to someone's wild fantasies about what Stan and I get up to when we're alone together." Kyle hissed in response, words similar to venom. He lurched his shoulder blades forward as a defence mechanism, but the lower half of his body remained unmoving.

Stan also shifted uncomfortably from beside Kyle. Granted, now that they were in the thick of the conversation, he had started to regret bringing it up. Kyle was not the sort of person to sugar coat a situation, and to hear the current circumstance of their predicament spelt out the way Kyle did it…it honestly gave Stan the creeps. After all, Kyle was right. Who, in their right mind, would come up with this sort of stuff? It was easy to ignore, at first, but now…

"Maybe we should, uh, make a list. Of all the rumors people are spreading around, to keep track." Stan hadn't realized he offered this suggestion until he finished speaking. By that point, it was too late.

"S'actually ain't that bad an idea yer got there Stan." Kenny waved his arms around in frantic approval before settling them down again, slipping Stan a thumbs up out of Kyle's eyeshot. For that, Stan felt reassured – and exchanged a smile with his blonde friend.

A firm grip rested upon Stan's shoulder and squeezed it tightly. Kyle jerked his best friend backwards, so he could make eye contact with him, and looked at him with a wash of disbelief. "You actually want to hear all this nonsense?"

Stan shrugged, and in the process, shrugged Kyle's hand off of his shoulder. "I guess I'm a little bit curious, about what people are saying, about me, about _us_. I don't want to keep myself in the dark."

"And _how_ are we supposed to find out what people are saying about us? The only reason we _know_ people actually say this stuff in the first place is because Bebe wanted to know if it was true!" Kyle wailed exuberantly. He threw both of his gloved hands up into the air in slight animation before a relentless sigh passed his thin lips. He shook his head, pursing his upper and bottom lips together.

"Just, uh, go up and ask them?" Stan innocently suggested, yet there was a lingering concern in his voice from the anticipation of being shut down by Kyle almost immediately for his suggestion.

"Yes, because _that_ would go down well. Here, let me just _ring up Clyde _and ask, oh, hey Clyde. Yeah, you and Craig spreading any rumors lately about Stan shoving a _log up my fucking ass_?" Kyle snapped viciously, folding his arms in front of his chest as he glowered at both Stan and Kenny.

Before anyone could speak, a couple of freshman girls stopped a few feet away from the trio and keenly looked over at them. They made it more than obvious, despite their best attempts, that they overheard Kyle exclaiming about Stan shoving a log up his ass. How much _more_ they had heard was anyone's guess. From the way they exchanged glances and giggled shyly among themselves, it was obvious what assumptions and suggestions they were going to take away from eavesdropping, and quickly hurried off away from the scene.

Kyle heaved out a sigh. "Great."

"Don't refer to my dick as a log." Stan stated rather than asked.

"You're missing the point here, dude." Kyle groaned in frustration, thrusting his head into the small gap between his knees.

"Am I?" This time, it was Stan's turned to be annoyed. Kyle turned his head and peeped out at the side to glance up at Stan with one eye, seeing the visible infuriation on his best friends face. "I thought the point was to try and stop the current rumors from circulating and prevent _new ones _from being made. How are we supposed to do that when you're practically telling the whole school that I shoved a log up your ass!?"

Kyle seldom admitted it, but Stan had made a fair point, and that irked him. Yes, he was the one wrong – for the moment – but he wasn't readily going to admit it. If he did, Stan would continue to act smugly for the rest of the day, and every time Kyle would try and dispute Stan's point for the following week, he'd bring up how Kyle admitted he was right on _one_ occasion. No, he decided. He wasn't going to say anything. He chewed at the inside of his cheeks in order to prevent himself from saying anything else.

"Yer'no, I here think Stan's list thingy is still pretty darn good, yer hadn't oughta shoot it down, Kyle." Typical. Kenny was backing Stan's ideas, _again_.

Was there something Kyle was missing?

These ideas Stan was coming up with, and what Kenny was backing up, were far from spectacular epiphanies, or a moment of genius either of them could brag about. Or was that what Kyle was missing here? Were his two best friends making perfect, rational sense and the idea, was in fact, a genuinely decent and to be considered? Or, were his two best friends still just a pair of disdainful idiots that, when put together, came up with completely illogical and, arguably, dangerously stupid ideas? Kyle could never tell; but by logical deduction, he could only assume it was the latter of both options.

"Yeah!" Stan didn't miss a beat. As soon as the words had left Kenny's mouth, his whole body practically vibrated with excitement and eagerness to convince Kyle to think otherwise. "Yeah, I think it can work. We can find out who's saying stuff, and ask them what's being said. If we know what people are saying, then we can prove them wrong."

"Prove who wrong?" Wendy quickly paced her steps until she was stood next to Kenny, then settled herself down to sit on her bag. "A hello would've been nice, I guess."

"Hey—" Kyle blurted out quickly before Stan or Kenny had a chance to.

Admittedly, Kyle felt slightly bad, and awkward, that he hadn't noticed Wendy approaching them. Especially considering she didn't share her free period with any of her other close friends, so felt obliged to hang out with the three of them, instead. It was better than spending it alone, she had justified, despite the awkward tension that sometimes came about between her and Stan.

"Hey babe." Kenny grinned, scooting himself closer to Wendy and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. Wendy's face flushed, but if you dared to point it out, she would've insisted it was because of the cold weather, and not because of Kenny's sign of affection.

That was the reason why things were so awkward between Wendy and Stan. After all, Wendy had been the primary focus of Stan's elementary and middle school life, and now? She was dating Kenny McCormick, one of his best friends. Neither Stan or Kyle understood why or how it occurred, and even Kenny on multiple occasions insisted that she could do better than scrubbed up white trash with a hick accent that was hard to ditch.

Seven months on, and the two of them were still going strong. It wasn't perfect, no relationship was, and they'd come to breaking point on a number of occasions, but…they were still together. No number of months could take away the bewilderment of how Wendy Testaburger and Kenny McCormick worked together, but they did. And for the most part, everyone was happy for them. Excluding the one occasion where Stan punched Kenny in the face and broke his nose while he was drunk at one of Clyde's parties, claiming that Kenny was an asshole for '_stealing Wendy from him_' then broke down into tears.

He didn't remember it the following morning.

"Stan wanted to make a list of all the rumors going around about us both." Kyle explained, slumping his shoulders.

Wendy immediately averted her harsh gaze on Stan, brown eyes interlocking with Stan's own blue ones. "And I suppose you _want _to tear down the entire local forest in order to have enough paper to write down all the rumors, too?"

"Oh come _on_." Stan exclaimed. He frowned, similar to that of an upset puppy of sorts. "There can't be _that_ many rumors. What do you think I'm doing, writing a letter on each bit of paper? How ridiculous do you think I am Wends."

"Maybe I exaggerated slightly." Wendy offhandedly said before pressing on. "But— ugh. You're so transparent Stan. You probably only want this list made for _selfish_ reasons. And do you know what will happen when you find out?"

"What." Stan sneered, unimpressed.

Wendy's eyes narrowed onto Stan's. "You'll hear one rumour and then drink yourself into a paralytic state _because_ of these rumors. Then one of us will have to listen to your nonsensical prattle down the phone or in person because of _your_ ridiculous ideas."

"…I don't prattle…" Stan sunk back against the step and attempted to hide himself behind Kyle, arms folded across his chest. It was a pathetic comeback, but it was the best he could do with a bruised ego.

"You're impossible." Wendy seethed while she rolled her eyes. Kenny rested his hand on her shoulder to offer reassurance, which she shrugged off. "Don't."

"Jeez, alright." Kenny chuckled, and he held his hands up defensively before resting them in his lap once more.

Silence fell over the four of them. Kenny and Wendy were quietly talking among themselves about something only their ears could make out. Stan had taken his phone out of his coat pocket to scroll aimlessly through his Twitter feed in an attempt to find something interesting to tweet about. Subconsciously, his free hand had managed to find its way to Kyle's own hand, and loosely clung onto his palm with three of his fingers and his thumb. Without a second thought, Kyle promptly, but gently, squeezed Stan's hand and let it rest there.

"…Okay." Kyle broke the silence, taking a deep breath. "What if we just found out _why_ people think Stan and I are dating, and make a list of that instead?"

Kyle wouldn't call it giving in to Stan's idea. Instead, it was more along the lines of adapting it so it worked better…ish.

Kyle reasoned it through the method of science. Scientists collected data, performed analysis on the data, and came up with theories on how to solve the problem at hand. It was a completely logical method of doing things, and if they compiled a list of reasons why people thought they were dating compared to _who_ seems to think that…then they could gain something from the list. Though Kyle stood by his argument that they shouldn't find out the specifics of the rumors. That would only get messy.

Wendy spoke up next, obviously bewildered by Kyle's sudden change of heart. "Don't tell me you're actually agreeing with this nonsense Kyle."

"I'm _not_. Listen. We could make lists— different lists. People who think we're dating and _why_ they think we are— I don't know. You and Bebe are the experts at this stuff." Kyle mused. He attempted to gesture over at Wendy with the hand Stan was currently holding, and yanked Stan's arm in the process. "Oh— shit. Sorry dude."

Stan pulled his hand away, his cheeks turning the slightest shade of pink. "It's fine dude. Fucking hurt though."

"You're not dragging me into this. Or Bebe." Wendy's voice was deadpan, and blunt. "Especially when you're giving everyone a reason to think you're dating."

"Look, we always hold hands. That doesn't mean we're dating." Stan retorted oversensitively, and Kyle eagerly nodded his head in agreement. "But, uh, if you don't help us Wends, we won't make a list that…pleases and sparkles?"

Kyle shot Stan a weird look. "Pleases and…sparkles?"

Stan grimaced. "It's a girl thing. You…don't wanna know."

"_I'm _not the senior list maker. That's Bebe. I can't help you unless she agrees." Wendy sighed, clearly not a fan of this idea.

"So, we just ask Bebe then, right?" Stan chirped, looking anxiously from Wendy to Kyle. "Right?"

"Actually, I don't want to get Bebe involved." There was a bitterness to Kyle's voice as he spoke. "The last time she made a list involving me, she lied about it and almost shot one of us on the school roof."

"It was a _one_-time thing Kyle. Bebe is a very good list maker." Wendy pointedly said.

Kyle shrugged. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Yer should jus' go on an' help them Wendy." Kenny snaked his arm around Wendy's waist, the faintest of grins present on his lips as he pulled her a couple inches closer to him. "Do it fer me."

"I'll do it because I _want_ to." She retorted crudely, adjusting her posture so she was more comfortable now her body was pressed against Kenny's. "But…_fine_. I'll see what I can do."

"Yes!" Stan automatically yelled. Once he realized his sudden exclamation, his cheeks turned the shade of Wendy's pink beret. "I mean, uh— thanks Wendy. We appreciate it."

"Don't." She bluntly stated.

"Maybe this here list will make yer realize yer gone hankerin' over each other." Kenny sniggered, his usual grin turning into a playful, but belittling smirk.

Kyle sighed somewhat overdramatically while slamming his gloved hand against the mental banister of the staircase. He firmly gripped it, wrapping his fingers tightly around the holding, and reeled his upper body towards Kenny. "I'm not 'hankering' over Stan. This list is being made so we can _prove_ the rumors wrong. Not end up in bed together, in love, and having just fucked. Neither of us are _gay_ to start—"

Wendy couldn't hold back a scoff. "Excuse me. But _Stan_…"

"I'm not! Okay!? It was one time, during middle school. It didn't _mean_ anything."

Awkward silence hung in the air for a couple of moments, before Kyle decided to break it.

"I'm…not sure if I want to know." He said uncomfortably before pressing on. "But _as far as I know_, neither of us are gay. Sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, and— I don't know? Hugging? Best friends do that. There are no ulterior motives like people _think_ there are."

"_Wrong_, fags go an' there do that." Kenny smirked at Kyle, waiting for his explosive response.

"Kenny you're _not_ helping!" Kyle roared, a loud huff escaping from his nose. Before any of them had the chance to say something clever, or something in defence, the warning bell sounded, signalling five minutes before the next lesson started.

Begrudgingly, not another word was said on the topic, and the four teenagers prepared to head back to class.

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**That's the end of the first chapter! I won't be putting author notes at the beginning of the chapter from now on – unless absolutely necessary. So my comments will be found at the end of the chapter.**

**If you enjoyed this, please leave a review! And favourite, follow, etc. Writers thrive off of encouragement.**


	2. Chapter 02: The List

Chapter 02: The List

_Well you drive me crazy half the time...and I'm only me when I'm with you._ -Taylor Swift

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The remainder of the school week seemed to blur together, and fade by rather quickly. For some peculiar reason, Stan had started avoiding Kyle during school hours, especially during lunch break, though Kyle decided to not question it. Whatever Stan was up to, it didn't seem as though he was intentionally avoiding Kyle, more that he seemed to be rushing from place to place in a hurry, and it seemed like a good idea to just leave him to it.

The list? That had be a quick disaster. After personally calling at Bebe's house himself. Kyle had found out that Bebe was out of town with Denver High School's cheerleading squad. Apparently this year, under the keen command of newly appointed head cheerleader herself, Bebe Stevens, the squad had improved enough to qualify for nationals in Nevada. Subsequently, it meant that Stan and Kyle didn't have the support of any of the other list makers in the school. Stan had offhandedly suggested they attempt one by themselves, but Kyle was quick to dismiss it. If Bebe wasn't around, the list wasn't happening. End of.

Yes, they _did_ try asking Wendy. Well, it was more Stan pleading Wendy to help them out, but she refused, something Kyle was thankful for. The sooner this whole list making thing was dropped, the quicker he could get on with the rest of his senior year. After all, he and Wendy has more important things to focus on – such as passing six AP classes and getting scholarships to their chosen colleges. If Stan wanted to waste precious time writing frivolous, pointless lists then he could go ahead. Wendy was not getting involved, and neither was Kyle.

It was currently Friday evening. Since Craig Tucker was hosting the senior Halloween party tomorrow night, Kyle saw this as an opportunity to squeeze in some extra studying so he didn't fall behind any of his classes. Since arriving home mid-afternoon, he had cooped himself up in his bedroom for the past six hours – it had to be close to nine, ten o'clock now? Regardless of the time, it was late, and the redhead was beginning to grow tired and weary. Who knew how dull and boring AP World History could get after _hours_ of studying it. Ugh.

A gentle knock on his bedroom door snapped Kyle out of his studious trance, a quiet 'huh' escaping his lips as he glanced over at his slightly ajar door. "Come in."

"Kyle, Stan's at the door." The voice of his mother, Sheila Broflovski, crept through the nook before she poked her head inside. "Should I send him up?"

Kyle took a few moments to really study his mother's ageing face. The years hadn't been kind to Sheila Broflovski. Over the last few years in particular, the wrinkles around her eyes and her lips had become prominent features on her face, and her once vibrant hair had become a mix dull red and grey, with barely any shape to it. A few months back, Sheila had finally taken the step all elderly ladies do at some point, and cut her dying hair off into a short, chin-length bob with a side swept fringe. It was still taking Kyle some time to adjust to his mother's more mature lady aesthetic, the change had made him somewhat uncomfortable.

"Yeah." Kyle replied quickly, pulling his gaze away and looking back at his textbook. "Send him up."

Once Sheila had left, Kyle grabbed his page finder, and placed it between the pages he had been reading. Since Stan had decided to pay him a surprise visit, it meant an abrupt end to any study plans he had for the rest of the night. Trying to study while Stan was around was, to be blunt, pointless. He'd half-heartedly agree to get involved, then thirty minutes later distract Kyle with some YouTube video and that'd be the end of that. It was better to quit while ahead.

In short, Stan Marsh was the perfect distraction.

No more than two minutes later, Kyle heard the obnoxious creak from the rusted hinges on his wooden door echo through his room, and he visibly winced. God, he hated that noise. His parents insisted there was no point in fixing it since he'd be off to college soon, but it didn't deter from how irritating the noise was. Nevertheless, it was a clear indicator that Stan was here.

Stan didn't knock – but why should he? Kyle didn't knock before entering Stan's room. They were way passed that awkward phase in their friendship where they had to knock on each other's doors before entering. After all, they'd been friends for the better part of...what? Thirteen, fourteen, hell, maybe even fifteen years? Something ridiculous like that. Kyle would be more concerned if Stan _did _knock on his door before coming in. Way too formal, especially for best friends.

"Hey." Stan's voice caused Kyle to look up.

"Hey dude." Kyle smiled, turning around in his desk chair to face Stan. "Why are you calling over so late? It's like...nine o'clock, right?"

"Ten fifteen, actually." Stan said with a toothy grin and shut Kyle's bedroom door so it was completely shut.

Kyle reached up and removed his reading glasses, placing them on the desk beside his textbooks and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. He only needed them when reading close up, and usually he had contacts for that. He'd taken them out a couple of hours ago when he started to get ready for bed and man, he hated being caught wearing those black rimmed spectacles. Since it was Stan, it didn't bother him as much, but it was still embarrassing all the same.

Upon further inspecting Stan's face, Kyle could see his earlobes were tinted red and there was residue of wet snow on the tip of his nose and cascaded all over his red and blue hat. Either it was freezing cold outside, or Stan was in a clear rush to get over to Kyle's house and tell him something. Whatever the case, Kyle hoped it wasn't the latter. Usually when Stan had something to tell Kyle,, it wasn't good. It'd be something ridiculous like '_Kyle I fucked Craig's sister_' with some sort of proud look on his face expecting Kyle to tell him job well done. _That_ was Stan Marsh's kind of news.

"So...about the whole list thing..." Stan said as he sat on the edge of Kyle's bed.

"Boots, please." Kyle interrupted, gesturing to the snow and mud clad boots on Stan's feet. Stan simply laughed, and began to untie his laces promptly.

"Okay." Kyle said once Stan had slipped the last boot off. "Carry on."

"The list." Stan said breathlessly, pushing his gloved hand into his coat pocket and pulling out a crumpled, slightly damp piece of lined paper. "I did it."

Okay, never mind. Kyle would prefer the news that Stan slept with someone's younger sister over the news that he'd gone out of his way to make_ the list_.

"You...did it." Kyle repeated slowly. He was unsure of whether or not he wanted to question this, although he had a billion and one questions running through his mind. Specifically _why_ Stan made it and _why_ he thought it'd be a good idea and _why_ he wanted to show it to Kyle.

"Yeah!" Stan exclaimed with the excited gaze of a puppy lingering in his blue eyes. He scooted down the bed so he was closer to Kyle, albeit his redhead friend was still sitting in a chair. "Dude, aren't you proud? We did it without Wendy, without _Bebe_. We don't need them, dude. We can do this by ourselves..."

"Woah, 'we'?" Kyle asked, raising a thick eyebrow. Since when had Kyle participated in any of this list making?

Rubbing his gloved thumbs across the paper, Stan looked down. "Well...I mean...this list is about us, _for_ us, so...I mean...yeah I made it, but we're in this together Kyle."

Taking a deep breath in, Kyle closed his eyes for a few seconds. Breathe in, then exhale. Repeat. After a couple of deep breaths, Kyle opened one of his eyes and looked over at Stan, who seemed to be hanging onto Kyle's every abated breath. Stan looked as though he was constantly on the edge of speaking, with his bottom lip quivering, positively trembling with the dire need to say something, Kyle could see it was killing him. When Kyle exhaled for the final time, he watched as Stan's eyes lit up, subtly, widening in anticipation while his lips parted to hold his own breath – maybe to stop himself from speaking. The way Kyle saw it was that it was pathetically adorable. Or adorably pathetic. Either way worked just fine.

"So let me get this straight." Kyle finally broke the silence, and watched as Stan relaxed. He pressed his own lips together in brief thought, before pressing on hesitantly. "You...made a list. And what sort of...list, did you make?"

"It's a list of everyone who thinks we're dating." When Kyle shot Stan an utterly horrified look, the raven haired boy continued to explain. "Not like..._everyone_ everyone, Just the top ten people...stop giving me that look dude. I'm not that stupid. Do you know how hard it is to nail it down to just ten, though?"

"You're not helping Stan." Kyle bitterly snapped, furrowing both of his eyebrows together.

"Dude just...stop being a dick about it for five minutes and read the list. For me. Please?" Stan edged closer until his elbows were resting on Kyle's knees, producing the almighty list before him. Kyle so desperately wanted to roll his eyes at how utterly cliché Stan was being, but stopped himself, and snatched the paper from his hands. "Hey, careful, you'll rip it."

"I don't care. I'm reading your dumb list, be happy." Kyle flicked the tip of Stan's nose and Stan promptly sat up, covering his face with both of his gloved hands. Kyle couldn't help but smile when he heard a faint 'asshole' muffled from the fabric of the gloves Stan was wearing.

Taking the crumpled list into his hands, he unfolded it and squinted at the many crossed out names and arrows squalled all over the piece of lined paper. It was a mess, but Kyle didn't have the heart to tell Stan that. It had taking him longer than it should have to realize that the list put the first person last, and the last person first.

Why did Stan have to be so confusing.

Eventually, Kyle managed to suss out a coherent order.

* * *

**Top Ten People Who Think Kyle and I are Dating**

_-by Stan Marsh_

**10) **_Sharon Marsh_

**09) **_Karen McCormick _

**08) **_Red Tucker_

**07) **_Tweek Tweak_

**06) **_Wendy Testaburger_

**05) **_Eric Cartman_

**04) **_Christophe DeLorne_

**03) **_Kenny McCormick_

**02) **_Sheila Broflovski_

**01) **_Craig Tucker_

* * *

This was absolute bullshit. His own _mother _was on the list. Even Stan's mother, Sharon, was on the list. Since when were the adults back on the hype of shipping young boys again? Surely they were over that after the whole 'Tweek and Craig are gay' fiasco. Surely, _surely_ they should know better.

"Why is my mom on this?" Kyle asked, pointing to his mother's name. "And the I in Sheila comes after the e, dude. If you're going to put my mom on here, at least spell her name right."

"Look, Kyle, I was writing this in a rush, okay?" Stan replied, slightly flustered. "I didn't _want_ to put her on the list. But she was around my house a couple of days ago, and she saw me writing it and asked what it was about...dude, c'mon don't look at me like that. I can't lie to your mom. She terrifies me."

"You could've just told her it was something for school." Kyle said, folding his arms.

"What part of 'your mom terrifies me Kyle I can't lie to her' are you not getting, Kyle?" Stan asked dejectedly, a grimace on his face. "She insisted she should be on the list. She then demanded to know why she wasn't told about us being together _sooner_. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?"

"Okay, fine. Let's not talk about my mom and how creepily okay she is with us being together. In theory." Kyle quickly added, looking over the names again. "...Christophe? The French student?"

"Leslie says he's actually from Canada." Stan stated in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Dude I don't give two shits where he's from, _why_ is 'ze Mole' on this list." Kyle demanded, eyes narrowing on Stan.

Stan let out a small sigh and pulled his legs in front of him so he could rest his chin between the space of his knees. He wrapped his arms loosely around his legs and looked at Kyle through the black strands of his damp hair. "So, okay. This is kind of a long story..."

"Just skip the details Stan and give me an explanation." Kyle rudely interrupted.

"Hang on! Hang on jeez...look. So, you know how you couldn't help me out with essay writing, yeah? Okay so one of the other AP students, Gregory, yeah? He's been helping me. And so, okay, one day Christophe comes along with him." Kyle could barely make out what Stan was saying at first, considering he was mumbling into his knees, but he nodded anyway. "So, in his stupid French, Canadian...I don't fucking _know_ that annoying accent of his he's all...'why isn't your boyfriend helping you' and when I asked who he said you."

"Asshole." Kyle growled, scoffing slightly before shifting into a more comfortable position. "Whatever. His opinion doesn't matter."

"It does when the entire school _shares_ that opinion..." Stan muttered moodily, breaking eye contact with Kyle.

Kyle rolled his eyes and nudged Stan's foot with his own. "Stop being so pessimistic. It's bringing my good mood down."

"It's not my fault the entire school and all of South Park thinks I'm fucking my best friend!" Stan protested, sitting upright.

"I never said it was." Kyle snapped, shooting a glare at Stan. "So why is Craig at the top of the list."

Silence fell over the room. Stan tentatively looked at Kyle with apprehension lingering in his gaze. From the way he had sucked in his cheeks, Kyle could tell Stan was anxiously gnawing at the inside of his mouth. Either he didn't have a reason, or there was something about his reasoning that Stan didn't want to tell Kyle. Regardless, Kyle was determined to figure out why Craig Tucker was at the top of this list.

Everyone else, to some extent, Kyle could understand. Mom's will be mom's, and ever since Tweek and Craig came out as gay, most South Park parents had been eagerly awaiting for another child to come out as gay to fulfil some sort of post-modern parent's wet dream. It was understandable. Kenny and Karen McCormick? Also understandable. Kenny was convinced that his two best friend's were dating, and who knows what sort of information he was feeding to Karen – true or false.

Despite how incredibly infuriating he was, Eric Cartman had earned his place on that list. After years of incessant name calling and having to put up with him profusely proclaiming how utterly 'gay' Stan and Kyle were for each other, he deserved a place on that list. Whether he believed his own spiteful lies or not, Cartman was more than likely the initial instigator behind the rumors. They all started with him.

Wendy Testaburger and Red Tucker? Understandable. Both the ex-girlfriends of Stan and Kyle, they had broken up with their former boyfriends because they believed the rumors were true, and thus, earned their place on the list. Even Tweek Tweak, resident theatre kid, deserved a place on that list. He had walked in once on Stan and Kyle still changing in the boys locker room, play whipping each other, and shrieked upon seeing it. Stan and Kyle had persuaded Tweek to not tell a soul and, to his word, he hadn't, but remained suspicious to this day.

So why was Craig Tucker on this list? That was something Kyle was trying to figure out. Of all people, Craig Tucker. He stayed out of everyone's business, usually. Sure he had been involved in spreading some of the rumors making their way around the school, but that was mostly down to Clyde. Clyde dragged Craig into all kinds of stupid shit by the looks of things – if anyone should be on this list, it should be Clyde, not Craig.

"So...Craig." Stan started slowly, taking a deep breath. "After lunch on Monday, he came over to me and told me he overheard us talking about making a list."

Kyle went to interrupt, parting his lips to talk. Stan immediately reached out with his still gloved hand and gently clasped his palm over Kyle's mouth and curled his fingers to rest against his freckled cheek. "No. Listen. He said it was a really good idea, but it didn't change the fact he believes we're boning one another, basically. He offered to help out and everything..."

Reaching up, Kyle curled his own fingers around Stan's palm and pulled his hand down, catching his breath before talking. "You decided to team up with Craig Tucker to make a list on who believes we're dating?"

"No! No, he just...like...look if you have a problem with him helping out dude, then you talk to him. He was really insistent, okay? I couldn't really say no...the guy's scary when he's staring you down..." Stan's voice grew weaker as he continued to speak.

Rolling his eyes yet again, Kyle scoffed. "What, are we still in elementary school, or am I missing something here? We're seventeen – dude you're _eighteen_ and you still find Craig Tucker scary? I don't buy it."

Frowning, Stan attempted to raise his voice. "Then you tell him not to get involved, okay? I have a hard time saying no to people. You know that."

Groaning, Kyle pulled one of his pillows from behind him and shoved his face into it, screaming into the surface for a few seconds before raising his head again. "And people think I'm _your_ bitch in these rumors. Seriously. If we _were_ dating, there is no way you'd wear the trousers. You can't even tell Craig Tucker to fuck off. You can't even tell a lie to my _mother_."

"I am _not_ the girl!" Stan proclaimed, moving so he was sat on his knees in order to gain some sort of height over Kyle. Instinctive alpha male technique, when threatened by another male, asserting dominance through height always seemed to work. "You're smaller, with like...soft skin, and curly hair. Like. Girly features and–"

"Go on Stan. Keep digging yourself a bigger hole. Don't mind me, Kyl_ie_ Broflovski, the girl, with my heart shaped face and long, red eyelashes, and full, pink lips!" Kyle exaggerated, making theatrical hand gestures.

Stan snorted. "Your lips aren't full, dude. They're thin. And always chapped. What's up with that?"

"Yeah, it's this thing called being diabetic and experiencing side affects. I wouldn't recommend it." Kyle replied sarcastically, before letting a small grin slip onto his face. "God, dude, sometimes I really hate you."

"You called _me_ a bitch and you hate _me_?" Stan asked, feigning offence. "Dude, harsh."

"Whatever." Kyle shrugged his shoulders before yawning. "I'm beat, dude. Do you wanna stay the night?"

It was Stan's turn to shrug his shoulders. "Sure, why not. I can sleep in my boxers, right?"

"I don't care."

On that note, Stan pushed himself off of the bed, and unzipped his brown suede jacket. With his gloved hands, he brushed the snow off of the shoulder pads before peeling the jacket off and letting it fall onto Kyle's bedroom floor in a messy heap.

Without meaning to, Kyle found himself looking up and watching as Stan slowly began to undress. The way Stan had bit the fingertip of his glove and slowly pulled his hand out of it – was it slow, or just a figment of Kyle's current imagination? Everything Stan seemed to be doing was slow, elongated, and precise. The way he pulled his shirt over his head, causing his hat to slip off and fall onto the floor. A glimpse at his exposed torso revealed tiny droplets of sweat residue collecting on Stan's aesthetically toned muscles, and when he reared his head from his t-shirt, Kyle watched as Stan shook his head from side to side in order to give his messy black hair some sort of volume.

Had Kyle not noticed these small details before? Did Stan routinely undress this way? He hadn't exactly paid it too much thought in the past. Albeit, as he sat there, lips partially agape, he felt a growing thud echo in his eardrums and his own chest tighten when Stan ran his fingers through his hair, and then let it fall in front of his face again.

Unaware of the faint blush rising to his lightly freckled cheeks, Kyle pulled his gaze away from Stan, frantic to find something else to focus on. What was so special about Stan undressing anyway? Kyle had seen him do it hundreds of times before. What was so different not than all those other times? Nothing. That's right, absolutely nothing. Stan probably smelt of sweat and cheap cologne he probably stole from Randy to make himself seem mature or whatever. Old Spice _really_ didn't work for him.

Not that Kyle cared.

"Hurry up, dude." Kyle said weakly, unable to look at Stan once he was clad in only his underwear and socks. "I have to be up early tomorrow."

Looking over his shoulder at Kyle, panting softly, Stan spoke. "Why?"

For a brief moment, Kyle was lost for words. When his eyes locked with Stan's, it was as though his mind instantly went blank, and he had to force himself to not look at the edges of his skin. "I...just. I want to catch Craig before he goes to work. To talk to him about this."

"Oh. Right." Stan said, and walked over to the bed, sitting at the edge. "Doesn't he start at like, six in the morning?"

"Something like that." Kyle said under his breath, stealing a glance at Stan's collarbones before looking back up at his best friend. "I just don't want to prolong it. The sooner I talk to him, the less he's involved."

"Yeah, yeah." Stan replied, resting his hands on Kyle's hip and thigh, shoving him over slightly. When Stan touched him, Kyle couldn't help but jump in surprise, feeling his chest tighten once again, finding it difficult to catch his breath. "Jeez, why are you so jumpy, dude? Just move over. You're not hogging the bed."

Laughing nervously, Kyle scooted over. "You're the one who hogs all the covers, asshole."

Grinning at Kyle, Stan nudged him with his shoulder. "Well if you let me _spoon_ you we wouldn't have that problem."

"Fine. If it means I don't have to suffer from hypothermia." Kyle replied without thinking.

The grin immediately left Stan's face until a look of surprise rushed over his frantic eyes. He seemed somewhat startled, and Kyle swore the faintest of blushes rose to Stan's face – or perhaps it could still be from when Stan came in not too long ago, red face and covered in snow. That seemed more likely.

"Really?" Stan asked a little too eagerly, then cleared his throat. "I mean, y'know. You have a single bed. It makes sense, yeah?"

"Yeah." Kyle agreed. He reached over Stan to hit his lamp light, and felt Stan shudder when his arm came into contact with bare chest. Was Kyle's arm really that cold? He hadn't realized. Stan, however, was a human radiator, so Kyle was thankful, in a weird way, he had Stan there to keep him warm.

With the lights turned off, Kyle rolled onto his side and waited in anticipation for Stan's arms to wrap themselves around his waist. It happened slowly, as though it wasn't actually happening but both boy's were imagining it was. First, Stan's fingers crawling across the crook of Kyle's waist before letting his hand, then his arm slide down to rest against Kyle's stomach. Then Stan's other arm, instead of wrapping itself around Kyle, it moved its hand to gently caress and play with the tufts of loose curls on Kyle's head.

Kyle promptly, and quickly, drifted to sleep.

* * *

**There's no excuse for a year long hiatus but I will be updating more frequently now! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


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